saludos

Fernando Trivelli Alessandri, PhD

My name is Fernando Alessandri de Trivelli. I provide guidance, humor, and paths to peace in a world of serious confusion, frustration, anger, and suffering. During my decade and a half of training and work in clinical psychology, I have developed concerns that have led me to pursue alternative ways of helping people. One of them is this international coaching practice. 

My goal is to be a resource for people who have nowhere else to turn without fear of being penalized or compromised. These include people in high level positions whose every comment and movement is tracked by media or a congregation; Depressed and frustrated people who are contemplating violence toward self or others; People whose employment is contingent on their neglect and denial of personal and family struggles (e.g., airline pilots, FBI); people who feel threatened by changing standards and increasing uniformity of thought in academia and the workplace; religious people of all forms that feel belittled or at risk.

In contrast to my clinical psychology work, my Consigliere services are not part of healthcare. This allows me to offer greater privacy, with no medical records of our work together. In fact, I do not even need to know real names or locations if someone wants to use an alias and take the trouble to set up corresponding email and payment systems.

My Consigliere clients are not “patients.” I help free, equal, curious, self-determining beings. There is no doctor/ patient relationship; I deny having any power over you. We are co-journeyors and I simply share my knowledge, education, and experience. Some of us may even become friends or engage in adventurous projects together. This is in great contrast to APA Ethics and so I am stating this as clearly as I can. 

"La belleza salvará al mundo."
"Beauty will save the world."
— Fedor Dostoevskij

My addition:

Beautiful ACTIONS are what matter. Not 2-dimensions (selfies), nor 3-dimensions (bodies), but 4, 5, and 6 dimensions: how we treat each Self in time, space, thought, and affection.



ENGLISH • CASTELLANO (ESPAÑOL)
PRIVATE VIDEO/PHONE CONVERSATIONS
INDIVIDUALS & DISCREET PEER GROUPS
ANÓNIMO • NO RECORDS • INTERNACIONAL

This is not healthcare, therapy, or analysis.
There is no "diagnosis" or "treatment."
It is stimulating conversation with humor and challenge,
conversación con buen humor y inspiración.

Sample of my style.

una explicacion incompleta

la belleza es sólo superficial. ¿Pero fealdad? O!
Beauty is only skin deep. But ugliness? O!

Many of us work on our external appearance but some of our actions are embarrassing, ugly, even hideous. Why is this?

Psychiatry assumes there is a deep problem with you. Bipolar. Depression. PTSD. Borderline. Psychosis. Narcissism.

There is something backwards or circular in this method. If you describe your experiences to an expert — sadness, lack of energy, loss of motivation, fear, worry, lack of patience, high expectations, large mood swings, impulsivity, reliance on sweets or alcohol, wishing for death — then a label is given, a diagnosis. We then turn the label into a cause of our behavior. “It’s because of my bipolar.” My pet. I don’t go anywhere without it. This system is nonsensical. A kind of comedy. Or more like tragedy.

Your experience is real. Your suffering or sense of unmet potential is painful. In each of us there is a mixture of tendencies, habits, actions, intentions, ideas, beliefs, attractions, disgusts. And many, many frustrations. Our energy fluctuates. Our attention wanders. We make plans, we lead ourselves to water but fail to drink. We overreact to some things. Neglect others. The mirror horrifies us. 

But it’s our intelligence, not depression, that tells us when further expenditure of energy will be fruitless. The answer is not stimulating your carcass into more pointless activity. 

Anxiety is not a tumor, to be beaten down with medications. 

Frequent misperception of threat can be corrected, not “treated.” Unless we call education a treatment for “ignorance disorder.”

Self-hatred is a philosophical and spiritual problem. Emptiness too. And so is the pursuit of fullness.

Labels, boxes, classification systems have their place. But when a human being is forced to fit into a “type” then something violent has occurred, parts were severed to please the typist.

You are a work in progress. Are you progressing? Are you stuck? I would like to hear how it is going. What is good? What is bad? What is ugly? Where do you want to reach? What do you want your biography to say? Build your tale of overcoming defeat or thinking small in your life.

etapa de poda

Socrates: "Know thyself."
Jesu: "No thyself."

The stage of pruning. 

I won’t tell you how wonderful you are. It’s more likely I will tell you how distracted you are. Or how complicated and scattered, in very many directions. This is when a vine needs to be pruned, in order to achieve voluptuous growth.

Yet there is risk of confusion at every turn of phrase. Even celibate 14th century monks had the corruption of trendiness. Mea culpas for an irrelevant morsel. The guiding question is, “To what growth does this pruning lend?” Is the aim beautiful? Self-conquest is a means, not an end.

 

The same must be understood of indulgence. Does it diminish me? Exploit another? Sustain an unfair trade? Is it ugly? No? Then saborear!! Savor it!

There is a season for everything. In a single day there is death and rebirth, rest and accomplishment. Opportunities for humbling acceptance of growth and joyous conflict-free indulgence.

Grim stoicism is not the path. A life of ease is not worthy of notice. Only battle scars are worth retelling. Track records, not promises, bring celebrational joy. This weaves a home, a society, a lasting victory. 

It is not too late.

mi rebelión

La belleza no se puede imponer. Tampoco ser institucionalizado.
Beauty cannot be mandated. Nor institutionalized.
It's an individual decision and pursuit.

Beyond psychology. Beyond therapy. Pure conversation. Stimulating expansion of thought. 

CEO, CFO, bishop, clergy, lawmaker, filmmaker, doctor, broker, actor, comedian, musician, artist, venture capitalist, entrepreneur:  You, your family, and your organization can benefit from my accumulation of, and sifting through, vast amounts of knowledge, nonsense, and experience.

My studies, research, and work have not only been in clinical psychology (PhD, University of Mississippi; and M.S., Divine Mercy University, since 2009); but also in film production (MFA 2002, University of Southern California); advertising copy (1990s); philosophy and theology (Pontifical Academy of the Holy Cross, 1987-2008), the politics, philosophy, and economics program of the University of Notre Dame (B.A., 1991); and decades of volunteer work mentoring and mentoring mentors.

A decade and a half ago I left amateur mentoring and the film industry to pursue psychology and complete my understanding of the human person. I wanted to understand conditions I knew little about, such as when a man would say difficulties were related to his wife being “bipolar.” I delved deep into that knowledge and accumulated abundant experience treating that and many other conditions.

Today I am working on various initiatives to meet the needs left unmet by official healthcare. One effort is to mobilize lay people to help each other (incapables.org) and use apps (de-escalator.org) rather than wait for the experts to arrive in time. For those who want more education I am developing training programs to equip compassionate bystanders to skillfully support loved ones in adjusting to distressing life events until they can get further help (freshlearnfern.org). My goal is to parallel what CPR has done for physical health, equipping countless non-experts to be a bridge to recovery.

With Consigliere I intend something else. My clients in this endeavor share several factors and specialized needs in common: 

  • A position of leadership or influence;
  • Lack of safe channels for thinking aloud, expressing doubts or concerns, or truly “kicking the tires” without risk of significant repercussions in the form of rumors, media, market value, loss of confidence, or questions about orthodoxy, brand purity, and reliability;
  • Unspoken pressures to limit growth, or to fossilize “how we do things,” or neglect (even betray!) the greater mission based on fears and barriers created by history, laws, rules, traditions, and the expectations of an established, defensive, and unforgiving set of customers, fanbase, congregation, investors, gatekeepers, or others;
  • Tricky navigation of competing sects and interests;
  • Lack of well-formulated arguments for resisting demands and trends that at gut-level are clearly absurd, superficial, or even harmful, yet which are popular and being capitulated to on a widespread basis;
  • Fatigue, frustration, and the constant lure of a quiet retirement to one’s own interests.
  • Recognition that mindfulness is not the answer, is not some high-level solution but only a basic self-regulation tool for better engaging in the tasks of contemplation, objectivity, and resolution of challenges.

My time in advertising and entertainment have served me well in this endeavor. In those pursuits I learned to cut through clutter and synthesize vast amounts of information into brief, attractive, often humorous, and easily digestible messages. I went from having only 30 seconds or a single visual impression to promote behavior change, to having hours, days, weeks, and even months. And it turned out much less time is often necessary for achieving victories and progress. 

When a compassionate person unties a few key barriers or unnecessary yokes, people know how to finish freeing themselves. But there is massive confusion about this, even among the holiest, blessed, or most sanctioned providers themselves. Things like trauma recovery do not actually need much time! Though the subsequent rebuilding of a life can then take some months. 

Even suicidality, psychosis, and dramatic upheavals in mood and relationships can all be brought within calm, productive demeanors. There is sadly so much misunderstanding and hype around all of these areas, as well as with the unconscious, all of which turn out to not be very mysterious at all. 

The answers are not complicated. But the gatekeepers are! Some are even incentivized to maintain current wasteful structures, which limits broader societal progress. The poverty-to-prison pipeline is alive and well. As with anyone who is “just following orders,” it is hard not to perpetuate the defective status quo since business-as-usual is what passes muster with lawyers, despite the vast betrayal of citizens and patients. The   Titanic of healthcare has no real plan for major change; it’s still in the wishful thinking stage about the iceberg.

In the tradition of many Greek and Christian philosophers I help people to: 1) recognize and stop resource-depleting behaviors, 2) promote natural and guided development of internal resources, 3) adopt more intelligent practices, 4) learn to tolerate painful situations rather than make things worse and, 5) live in pursuit of a more abundant life rather than in reaction to external happenings. 

I will not say I empower anyone. That concept is foreign to me; power and choice are exercised, not granted. I simply help debug some very good thinkers whose programming has developed unhelpful subroutines that keep them from the life they crave.  

Prior to this endeavor.

My training has been second-to-none. To ensure I would never fear any patient condition, after my doctoral coursework I obtained specialized pre- and post-doctoral training experiences twice at the University of California San Diego (UCSD) VA Medical Center, and one year at the VA training hospital at Tripler in Honolulu. I have a great deal of experience with these:

  • Acute, chronic, and complex PTSD (trauma);
  • Psychosis, bipolar, and other “SMI” (serious mental illness) including among homeless individuals;
  • Borderline, narcissistic, schizoid and other personality disorders;
  • Crisis triage and stabilization;
  • Many of the above with comorbid suicidality, rage, substance use, and disordered eating and purging.
  • Distress in relationships (couples, families).

I have worked with leaders, clergy, celebrities, musicians, restauranteurs, entrepreneurs, and US military veterans of all branches, using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), emotion focused therapy (EFT), cognitive processing therapy (CPT), prolonged exposure (PE), and more. 

I have helped individuals at various levels of major corporations such as Apple, Dell, Meta (Facebook), and Visa. I have also helped people with high level security clearances (e.g., FBI) and airline pilots, as well as refugees and those with uncertainty in their immigration standing, in English and Spanish. I have conducted trainings for private organizations and trainees and staff at entities like the Irving Family Advocacy Center near Dallas which also services first responders.

Prior to psychology I worked on independent and commercial film projects spearheaded by Stanley M. Brooks, Robert Duvall, Walter Hill, Diane Keaton, Jami Gertz, and numerous other talents, to name a few.
 
I also worked as a copywriter for advertising agencies serving Disney, Honda, Nokia, HP,  Raytheon, Northrop Grumman, Lockheed and others.
 
During 20 years before my psychology pursuits I volunteer-mentored and supervised mentors for children and young adults, with a number of inner-city high school students going on to universities like Stanford, Notre Dame, and UC Berkeley and UCLA.
 

Now my interests have returned to larger issues of human well-being and purpose. Rather than concede to modern limitations imposed on thought, I prefer to integrate my knowledge of psychology with centuries of philosophical, organizational, theological, economic, poetic, comedic, and artistic thought about the individual, relationships, and economic interdependence.

¿como empezamos?

Where do we begin?

Here is the contract I would ask you to sign.

Here are some brief FAQs and clarifications.

Are you licensed?

Because this is an international endeavor, the coaching and educating work I propose to do with you will not be regulated by a professional license. I cannot treat “pathology” or provide “treatment.” I am offering my years of knowledge and experience to help orient you in your own pursuits. My opinions carry no more weight than any other lay person.

Please, fix my child! 

I do not “fix” children. I am happy to help families unite around some common goals. I do not conduct assessments or help with accommodations. Contact licensed professionals who specialize in that.

Do you see couples?

My conversations are not limited to individuals. I am happy to bring light and levity to relationships of any kind. This work is not therapy or counseling.

Do you offer group therapy?

I facilitate Council of Peers groups, whether for janitors or for individuals in high profile leadership positions who require absolute discretion but want the benefits of shared wisdom, experience, comradery, and accountability. My work is not therapy or counseling. Learn more here. 

What technology do you use?

I can meet via phone, secure Zoom, Google, WhatsApp. I message via email, text, or WhatsApp. I am open to new technologies as well. 

How long are conversations?

Standard is 45-50 minutes for individuals, closer to an hour for a peer group. In reality conversations can run anywhere between 10 minutes and 2 hours, depending on the circumstances of a particular day, or if meeting in person. I am trying to follow a more human practice than has become typical. 

Do you travel?

In some circumstances we can arrange an intensive 2-day experience somewhere in the world.

Financial Terms that You Decide


EARTH • AIR • FIRE • WATER

What are your financial terms?

I prefer a monthly arrangement rather than fee-per-use. Some months you may need more conversations, other times fewer.

I do not “charge” but offer guidelines below to suggest ways of being honorable if you find value in our dialogs. I am also quite happy for you to keep payments for my services small and offer generous financial support for my ambitious humanitarian projects at incapaz.org. Suggested compensation for Peer Groups are much lower than individual services and are dependent on various factors. 

INITIAL CONSULTATION:  Free / Humanitarian / Donation-based.

EARTH — You’re struggling financially. Consider treating me like your grocery bill, or request assistance if that is too much. In my company you will be heard, not herd.

AIR — Things are tight but you still have a smartphone and various streaming services. Those fees are a common rate per conversation of this sort. I believe their bundle would be fair as a monthly rate for 1-2 conversations per month. 

FIRE — You dine out regularly. Your weekly grocery bill exceeds 400 USD. My insights and inspirations are no less valuable.

WATER — You have a very reliable flow of resources. Join me in contributing to the well-being of many others besides ourselves.  

Introduce Yourself

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